How to Enjoy the Holidays with Your Kids When Intrusive Thoughts or Anxiety Show Up
As I am writing this, I am sitting in a local coffee shop, listening to Christmas music, fire place on, and looking out at a fresh dusting of snow. Sounds pretty picture perfect, right? And here is the thing-if I were to snap a pic of my current view and post it on social media, to the outsider it would look picture perfect. What you wouldn't see is the stress I felt getting my kids ready for the babysitter to arrive, my tired eyes from being up with my baby last night, or some lingering OCD thoughts I am having from a spike last night.
I share all of this to remind you this holiday season that what you see online of other mama's sharing is likely not the full story. I think this is important for us as moms to hear this holiday season because it is easy to think that by looking at everyone’s posts that they are just having the most magical time ever with their kids and zero anxiety is accompanying them. It’s like there is this added pressure this time of year to be “present” and “enjoy the moment” with your kids.
I noticed this type of pressure to enjoy the holidays, the memories, the moments, with my kids during this time of year once I became a mom.
But if you’re anything like me (and I am assuming you are if you are reading this lol) navigating anxiety or intrusive thoughts, it might feel like there’s a barrier between you and the joy you want to feel this time of year.
But here is the truth I want to share with you this holiday season mama: You don’t have to wait for the anxiety to go away to enjoy this season.
The key to making memories with your family isn’t about eliminating anxious feelings or silencing intrusive thoughts—it’s about showing up as you are and being present anyway.
Whether you’re baking cookies with your kids, decorating the tree, or simply sitting together for a cozy movie night, it’s possible to embrace the moment even with anxiety in the background.
I put together a list of 3 tips you can use when you feel that perfectionism creeping in, and are frustrated by your anxiety keeping you from enjoying your time with your kids:
1. Focus on Connection, Not Perfection
It’s easy to feel pressure during the holidays to make everything “just right,” from the decorations to the family traditions. But striving for perfection often fuels anxiety, especially if intrusive thoughts tell you that you’re not doing enough.
Instead of aiming for perfect moments, focus on connecting with your kids. This might look like:
Laughing together while decorating cookies, even if they don’t turn out picture-perfect.
Letting your kids take the lead in choosing an activity, no matter how messy or silly it gets.
When you shift your attention to connection, you’ll find joy in the small, imperfect moments that truly matter.
2. Practice Anchoring to the Present
Anxiety and intrusive thoughts tend to pull you into your head, making it hard to fully engage with what’s happening around you. One way to counter this is by using mindfulness techniques to anchor yourself in the present moment.
Try this:
Use your senses: Take a deep breath and notice the sights, sounds, smells, and textures around you. For example, focus on the twinkling lights, the laughter of your kids, or the smell of fresh-baked cookies.
Narrate the moment: Silently describe what you see and hear, as if you’re telling a story. This simple practice can help you step out of your thoughts and into the here and now.
Remember, it’s okay if the intrusive thoughts or anxiety are still there—they don’t have to disappear for you to experience the moment.
3. Redefine What “Being Present” Means
Many moms feel frustrated when they try to “be present” but still notice intrusive thoughts or anxious feelings lingering in the background. The truth is, being present doesn’t mean feeling calm or free from intrusive thoughts—it means showing up fully, even with the discomfort.
Here’s how to reframe your expectations:
Allow the thoughts to exist: Instead of fighting them, remind yourself, “These thoughts are here, and that’s okay. They don’t define me or this moment.”
Focus on your values: Ask yourself, “What matters most to me right now?” Whether it’s reading a book with your kids or snuggling during a movie, staying grounded in what you value can help you move through the discomfort.
The holidays are a time for connection, joy, and making memories—not perfection. By focusing on what matters most and giving yourself permission to feel anxious or imperfect, you can create moments that you and your kids will treasure.
You’re already doing an amazing job, even when it feels hard. This season, let’s focus on presence over perfection and making memories that truly count. 💛
Rooting for you-
Taylor
